Official List of Questions
1He seems irritated or angry with you several times a week or more although you hadn’t meant to upset him. You are surprised each time. (He says he’s not mad when you ask him what he’s mad about, or he tells you in some way that it’s your fault.)
2 When you feel hurt and try to discuss your upset feelings with him, you don’t feel as if the issue has been fully resolved, so you don’t feel happy and relieved, nor do you have a feeling that you’ve “kissed and made up”. (He says, “You’re just trying to start an argument!”, or in some other way expresses his refusal to discuss the situation.)
3 You frequently feel perplexed and frustrated by his responses because you can’t get him to understand your intentions.
4 You are upset not so much about concrete issues–how much time to spend with each other, where to go on vacation, etc.–as about the communication in the relationship: what he thinks you said and what you heard him say.
5 You sometimes wonder, “What’s wrong with me? I shouldn’t feel so bad.”
6 He rarely, if ever, seems to want to share his thoughts or plans with you.
7 He seems to take the opposite view from you on almost everything you mention, and his view is not qualified by “I think” or “I believe” or “I feel”–as if your views were wrong and his were right.
8 You sometimes wonder if he perceives you as a separate person.
9 You can’t recall saying to him, “Cut it out!” or, “Stop it!”
10 He is either angry or has “no idea of what you’re talking about” when you try to discuss an issue with him.