|
 |
Verbal Abuse and its Devastating Impact
By Patricia Evans
Verbal Abuse is insidious.
Verbal Abuse is endemic.
Verbal Abuse impacts millions of people.
Verbal Abuse and its denial are crazy-making
Verbal Abuse usually occurs in secret.
If you've heard,
"You're Too Sensitive"
you've heard verbal abuse.
Although many people have heard sticks and stones may break our bones but words will never hurt us, those who have suffered from verbal abuse know that words do hurt and can be as damaging as physical blows are to the body. The scars from verbal assaults can last for years. They are psychological scars that leave people unsure of themselves, unable to recognize their true value, their talents and sometimes unable to adapt to life’s many challenges.
Except for name-calling many people don't recognize verbal abuse—especially when it comes from a person they believe loves them or from a person they perceive as an authority figure; or when it comes from a person who is in a position of power, for example, one's boss, a family provider, one's parent, or even an older sibling that one has learned to look up to in childhood.
Unfortunately, when people don’t recognize verbal abuse for what it is, they may try to get the person who is putting them down, giving them orders, or “correcting,” denouncing, yelling at or ignoring them to understand them. Or, they may try to stop them by giving it back in kind. In other words, they may act out their anger.
The circumstances under which verbal abuse takes place make a real difference in how to respond to it. In the workplace, for instance, an appropriate response to a very abusive boss might be to prepare a resume or to read the want ads. On the other hand, a child can’t very well escape from an abusive parent and so we, the observers and relatives of the child must be alert and ready to speak up for him or her. Keeping a record and letting others know what is going on are often good first steps.
Since, in the majority of cases, people who indulge in verbal abuse are selective about whom they abuse, many people are surprised to hear that someone is experiencing on-going and periodic abuse from someone they know and have always seen as nice and friendly. “Nice and Friendly” is the persona of many an abuser. Although many folks are as nice and friendly as they seem, some are not.
See our Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ), reprinted from a dialogue at iVillage.com.
|
|
The
following Poem is
from
a reader.
You
can see her
Eyes
light up
Hoping
that
He
will
Love
her today.
That
she can exhale
And
not
Take
up too much
Space.
You
can see
Her
eyes light up
And
the wistful
Hope
and
Little
girlishness that
He
will
Be
her
Boyfriend
and
Take
care of her
And
make
All
of it
Alright.
Make
her right.
Her
decision of him.
You
can see the
Look
in
Her
eyes
That
someday
If
she just lives right
And
doesn't
Take
up
Too
much
Space,
Or
doesn't take
One
too many
Breaths,
That
he will
Turn
her way
And
Fall
in love,
And
sweep her
Away,
And
make it
All right,
Her
right.
She
has no
Rights.
But
she chose him.
Did
she
Choose
the
Dream
Or
the
American
Indian
Looks
Of
my father?
Was
it the jokes
Or
the
Neediness
Of
him
Or
Her
That
made her think
He
was a
Project
that
Could
be
Completed?
He
would not allow her
Even
the
First
stitch
To
sew a life
Together.
He
was a
Quilt
That
remained
Unsewn.
Broken,
Torn,
Colorful,
Incomplete.
She
With
the
Needle.
Looking
at him
Longingly,
begging in her heart
To
stitch him
Together,
To
her.
To
her forever.
She
would be
In
charge of the
Pattern
and
Color
placement
And
theme.
She
would stitch
Every
stitch
So
she would be in charge
Of the story.
But
he took,
No,
slapped
The
needle
From
her hand,
From
the air.
Cause
he thought,
“what
is that needle doing floating in space?”
There
was no there there.
No
she there.
He
slapped the needle
From
the wind.
And
told the
Entire
story
Of
4 lives
Himself.
Intruding
and
Stabbing
With
a rusty dirty needle.
And
thread that had to
Run
through
His
experience
Before
it could be
Used
to stab
At
the wind.
I
hate him
And
she
Still
looks at him
With
love
And
hope
And
anticipation that
She
will be able to make
At
least one
Stitch.
|
